. before * everything * have already written
> \u0026lt; Yeah, I will replace the banner
Author: Moi, Kate drewfullerfan Diggory, Diggory Beaver
Title: Beatrice [e changed - hopefully - soon to be]
Raiting: P-12, changes at most, even in P-16, but is unlikely people
: Lavender Brown, Cedric Diggory, Parvati Patil & More
original charas : Clarissa Brown, Phill Meyer & More
Note: We read by anyone correction. Who Lust has log ^ ^
Note II: I've actually always pictured Lavender as an only child, "to write" their now a sister is so new to me.
content
: The sisters Clarissa and Lavender were home-schooled all their lives private teachers, as their mother, Beatrice, is seriously ill. Clarissa is now extent that they will continue their training as a healer - in Thailand. The 16-year-old Lavender
remains in England, soon deteriorated Beatrice's condition and they must be transferred to St. Mungo's. A little later she died. In November Lavender therefore begins her 5. School year at Hogwarts, a new experience for them.
with peers they had little experience so far.
Shortly after the gates of their mother, both Clarissa and Lavender strange dreams that have to be a future, have proved prophetic. The sisters begin to bring together with Cedric and Phill, more about their own family experience. What was it with Beatrice's disease about? Why did her father, Malcolm Brown, who left
family really?
Again a very very tit Synopsis, I'm sorry * * schääm
Chapter One
Sin Catcher
Beatrice's Point of View
Tuesday 3 October 1995
Why is a blanket sometime dirty? How does it work? A floor, yes, that is logical. Every day, people and animals walk about with sand dirt, spill drinks fit, with a meal does not occur. But I've never seen someone go on a blanket. I will rather not know until the number of years already I'm lying here, staring at the ceiling above me, day by day, and me this question: As the dirt comes up there? Maybe I'm breathing so dirty from my soul that floats then in tiny particles in the air and stick it up is, every single error, the small, the great and the unforgivable, all I breathe in, everything is back in this room. 
Was it always here so overwhelming? I would like to break out. The arms spread out and throw myself out the window. I know that I will not fly, but I also do not want to. While I fall, I will be free, just for a moment, but there is so much better than I can think of. I know not know what it means to really
to be free, without having to be bonds, always to have enough air in the lungs. What have I done! I do not deserve happiness, so, it can not be helped. Often enough I thought but then again, Beatrice, see, you're the most blessed woman on earth! There is plenty for which I shall be grateful. With all that I have destroyed, is yet so much beauty, so much life
emerged. When I am gone, they'll have it better, I firmly believe. I believe
must
it. The day of release in which I will be soon be there, but I can not gone, if I can not be sure that it is them for nothing. I try to imagine how they will go their way, but it is so difficult. Again, I get the falsehood, I have to borrow. I have heard to laugh often. The center of my universe, it must not break apart. You must be strong, so strong. Not like me, I was always weak and vulnerable.
Mum? "I'm here! I hear you, I feel you. Clarissa, my Clarissa. Take my hand, pressing her so hard you can. You can not hurt me, darling, that you could never. "I put to you a while. I need you, Mum. "She clings to me, my girl. Only when you are an adult? Did I not just delivered the first in my arms and looked into your deep blue eyes? When I first saw your shriveled, bloody face, I did not know what to do with my love. If I could tell you but only what you mean everything to me. I would love to brush your hair, take you in my arms, watching you sleep for hours. "Soon I'll be gone. I'm afraid. Is this childish? " No, no
, of course it is not. You have something to lose, you want to protect it. That's good. "I have a guilty conscience, because I leave you here. Can you give me for not saying that I should forget Thailand and stay here? Please, Mommy. "I felt tears on my neck and my whole being is paralyzed with terror. My body is a long time. What should I do? This powerlessness, I curse them. "Our little girl is me, if necessary, bring forcibly to the first port key," Clarissa sniffling quietly. "You is so brave. Sometimes I would like to shake, so they finally time thinking of himself. Sky, she is 16, it is to be young
. "But you also need a life, a future. "She says Thailand would be a unique opportunity to use the I need to, otherwise I would regret it forever. Of course, I could learn so much and the experience that I would gather there! But what if something goes wrong? If something happens and I'm not here ... how shall I forgive my can? "That with the forgiveness is a strange thing, dear. The more familiar the person is you, the harder it will be for you. How can you forgive yourself? I do not know. I can not. After all these years, I despise myself even more than others do. "When I tried to explain to her what prevents me to pack my bags immediately and move to Thailand, she said that the opposite is true also could never forgive, I would not, only because of them, because I would consider weak. She is smart, which I must leave her. In theory, everything would be regulated. With private teachers, the lesson plans discussed with the nurses I have spoken to have the costs I looked after myself. I do actually
that I have thought of everything that I am all gone through exactly, but it is always different than you think, "Of that I could sing a song, two, three, a dozen. You were not planned, not Sun at least. As I sat in the toilet for weeks, waiting to finally use my rules, I slowly began to imagine my belly fat. I thought that somewhere inside of me still beats a second, clean heart, and small fingers reaching into nothingness, and everything, and I stopped to wait for my rules.
"I go now, Mum. I have to pack. "
you, Clarissa, are one of the few things I have done right. Thank you.
If I were not me and my past another, then I would not be in this bed and stare at dirty blankets. A real mother accompanied the child as much as possible, but you had to go from the beginning alone. Perhaps it is even better that way. When I look back I see nothing that I could teach you. The only advice I could give you would be: Does never what I have done. That was it for now. What could I do but if I'm not trapped in this body would not be caught in this
curse would be to go with you to a very specific place. The one place I would have liked to show you. I think you would have understood the approach in any case, without that I would have much to say. A trip with my daughters, because I can not have this wish be granted? Soon I get so sentimental that I could stand it no longer himself. The cold, unapproachable Beatrice. The bright, happy
Trice
...
Was it always here so overwhelming? I would like to break out. The arms spread out and throw myself out the window. I know that I will not fly, but I also do not want to. While I fall, I will be free, just for a moment, but there is so much better than I can think of. I know not know what it means to really
to be free, without having to be bonds, always to have enough air in the lungs. What have I done! I do not deserve happiness, so, it can not be helped. Often enough I thought but then again, Beatrice, see, you're the most blessed woman on earth! There is plenty for which I shall be grateful. With all that I have destroyed, is yet so much beauty, so much life
emerged. When I am gone, they'll have it better, I firmly believe. I believe
must
it. The day of release in which I will be soon be there, but I can not gone, if I can not be sure that it is them for nothing. I try to imagine how they will go their way, but it is so difficult. Again, I get the falsehood, I have to borrow. I have heard to laugh often. The center of my universe, it must not break apart. You must be strong, so strong. Not like me, I was always weak and vulnerable.
Mum? "I'm here! I hear you, I feel you. Clarissa, my Clarissa. Take my hand, pressing her so hard you can. You can not hurt me, darling, that you could never. "I put to you a while. I need you, Mum. "She clings to me, my girl. Only when you are an adult? Did I not just delivered the first in my arms and looked into your deep blue eyes? When I first saw your shriveled, bloody face, I did not know what to do with my love. If I could tell you but only what you mean everything to me. I would love to brush your hair, take you in my arms, watching you sleep for hours. "Soon I'll be gone. I'm afraid. Is this childish? " No, no
, of course it is not. You have something to lose, you want to protect it. That's good. "I have a guilty conscience, because I leave you here. Can you give me for not saying that I should forget Thailand and stay here? Please, Mommy. "I felt tears on my neck and my whole being is paralyzed with terror. My body is a long time. What should I do? This powerlessness, I curse them. "Our little girl is me, if necessary, bring forcibly to the first port key," Clarissa sniffling quietly. "You is so brave. Sometimes I would like to shake, so they finally time thinking of himself. Sky, she is 16, it is to be young
. "But you also need a life, a future. "She says Thailand would be a unique opportunity to use the I need to, otherwise I would regret it forever. Of course, I could learn so much and the experience that I would gather there! But what if something goes wrong? If something happens and I'm not here ... how shall I forgive my can? "That with the forgiveness is a strange thing, dear. The more familiar the person is you, the harder it will be for you. How can you forgive yourself? I do not know. I can not. After all these years, I despise myself even more than others do. "When I tried to explain to her what prevents me to pack my bags immediately and move to Thailand, she said that the opposite is true also could never forgive, I would not, only because of them, because I would consider weak. She is smart, which I must leave her. In theory, everything would be regulated. With private teachers, the lesson plans discussed with the nurses I have spoken to have the costs I looked after myself. I do actually
that I have thought of everything that I am all gone through exactly, but it is always different than you think, "Of that I could sing a song, two, three, a dozen. You were not planned, not Sun at least. As I sat in the toilet for weeks, waiting to finally use my rules, I slowly began to imagine my belly fat. I thought that somewhere inside of me still beats a second, clean heart, and small fingers reaching into nothingness, and everything, and I stopped to wait for my rules.
"I go now, Mum. I have to pack. "
you, Clarissa, are one of the few things I have done right. Thank you.
If I were not me and my past another, then I would not be in this bed and stare at dirty blankets. A real mother accompanied the child as much as possible, but you had to go from the beginning alone. Perhaps it is even better that way. When I look back I see nothing that I could teach you. The only advice I could give you would be: Does never what I have done. That was it for now. What could I do but if I'm not trapped in this body would not be caught in this
curse would be to go with you to a very specific place. The one place I would have liked to show you. I think you would have understood the approach in any case, without that I would have much to say. A trip with my daughters, because I can not have this wish be granted? Soon I get so sentimental that I could stand it no longer himself. The cold, unapproachable Beatrice. The bright, happy
Trice
...
Wednesday 11 October 1995
We'll go now, Mum. "Clarissa leaned over the bed, so my eyes just to make her. You see my smile? You have to imagine just tight enough, then you'll know that I truly smile. The blue of your eyes is much nicer than my exhaled sins on the ceiling. "Lavender accompanied me to the first Portkey station, then it immediately comes back home. In about an hour she is back here, you hear you? "Clarissa sighed sadly and then gently pushes me a kiss on the forehead. "I love you, Mum. I will be away for less time than you think. "Then she leaves.
Thursday 12 October 1995
It is probably the next day after Clarissa's tear, probably the day draws to an end already back when I hesitantly opened my eyes. Filth ceiling. She makes fun of me, I can hear the stifled laughter. She is just as trapped as I, and when I'm gone, she is my sin bearer be. I think the spotting is closer to me. I am not in the mood. Not today. knocked out by someone carefully at my chamber door. It is Lavender, no question. Unlike Clarissa she never came to me in bed, without knocking, so here before. Fear them before me? Or it is because they hardly had me as healthy mother can get to know? When it began, at that time, she was still almost a baby. Could not even really stand up, the little one. But she laughed and rejoiced, all the time. When I dream of beautiful things, from something I dream want, then I dream of this melodic laughter of children. Back then splashed around with her Lavender always chubby little hands on the floor until I bent down to her and asked: What does he want my little treasure? Lavender is then used in savory my hair, pulled it and laughed and laughed.
"Hi Mum," said Lavender with caution. Her voice sounds slightly krächzig. No laughing, you should not cry. Laugh, oh please , laughing. "I just wanted to say ... just ... hello." She is on the door stopped, I can access the physical distance between us in practice. Come to me, come, come. "Come," I myself am amazed that I managed to get a word on my lips. The days on which this is achieved, are increasingly rare. Today I have strength, only little, but I will use to be my daughter's close. Lavender rushes immediately to me, threw himself on my bed and threw her arms around me. As a child, my child, not like a 16-year-old. The scent of her soft hair, I rise in the nose, floral, light, exactly as before. "Fine that you feel better today," she whispers in my ear. I can feel her smile in my neck flexion. This is beautiful. "Professor Parker is just gone. Shall I tell you about my day "vulnerabilities press her hand? Understands. "This morning I had for Professor Stanley brew the brew of the living death. She says, actually, I would have to dominate the long, but I just can not make magic potions. It often reminds me about cooking and here I am at least as mies. The result has been the Stanley not necessarily satisfied. > Would in such a lousy, "she added gebrummelt and then weighted to the cape, I would have made dirty. It is not my fault that this death brew bubbles so. "It's good to listen to you. Your everyday sounds perfectly normally. Classes, professors, small annoyances. But no so normal it is not. The others are sitting at your age in a real school, have classmates and friends. You are trapped at home, you alone have to struggle through Arithmantikstunden idle while in the room nebenan deine Mutter im Bett liegt, mit der man nichts mehr anfangen, aber die man auch nicht einfach abschieben kann. »Kräuterkunde war nett«, redet Lavender weiter. »Professor Drake ist mit mir spazieren gegangen und hat mir unterwegs alle Pflanzen gezeigt, die wir für magische Zwecke verwenden können. Er ist anders als die anderen Privatlehrer. Nicht so eingestaubt. Nächste Woche bringt er mir Schafgarbe mit, hat er versprochen. Damit kann ich eine Kräutermischung für Clarissa machen, das entspannt sie nach einem anstrengenden Tag.« Ich vermisse sie auch schon, Liebes. Ganz gleich, ob es nun erst einen Tag oder ganze Wochen is higher. It is part of you as you are part of it. "What she is doing well now? Unpacking probable or explore the area. Maybe they had to also start immediately to work. She likes it there, determined. "Yes, I think so. She loves her work, she loves each a shred of knowledge to absorb within itself. "She has kept things running here, has worried about me as if it were not sister but mother. Sometimes brings me almost to despair, because I think it would have been much better without me. If they do not constantly have to worry about me, it would have been open more avenues to shape their own lives. Now that she is in Thailand, this could collapse at any moment everything in it. I feel so incompetent. I am unable
. I have no idea about the things she has arranged with us always, no idea of the organization or the problems that still may face us. If I only had a bit more like Clarissa would be without them ... I'm useless. "
As she comes only to those thoughts? There is nothing to which Clarissa would be prouder than her younger sister. Lavender is the sheer opposite of useless. Thanks to her, Clarissa always had a glimmer of hope on the horizon, to continue the sense of it, even though it was so hard. Whatever happens, my daughters will do it.
Sunday 22 October 1995
My best memory is about the day that I have met for the first time. Stormy day, terrible. I was confused and wanted to think, so I left the house, although I knew myself how stupid it was. In my blouse bulged my stomach a bit already, so I took Deborah's large cloak made of thin fabric and enveloped me in it. As soon as I had walked through the front door, a strong wind blew me in the face. As I would have awakened from a long sleep, I strolled merrily down the road. I waved to everyone I saw, even if I did not know anyone like this. You gave me with raised eyebrows and waved back as I was already gone again, you stood behind me and suddenly wanted to go a little drink with me.
constricted Your lack of understanding at that time me in every second of my life to the throat. You might not understand it, any more than I do. I'm looking for reasons for my past actions, but I can not find any. How? It does not exist. I did it because I was who I am. The terrible thing is, I can not exclude it do just so again if we go back in time. I am ashamed. So much. loved Before I let go, you should know, Malcolm, I have only you.
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